When you are thrown into the bottomless pit of grief, it can be quite difficult to find any loveliness in the world. In fact, at first, it can be impossible. The world can feel ugly and dark and devoid of any beauty.
When your partner dies by suicide it can add an additional layer to this. It can leave you feeling ugly, too. Worthless and unwanted. It can feel like they left because you weren’t good enough, like your love wasn’t enough. It can feel like there is nothing lovely about you, at all.
Grief is a lonely journey. It’s dark and twisted and unpredictable. People leave because they can’t handle it. They can’t handle how ugly your life becomes. That makes the world seem even less lovely in a time you need some loveliness.
It can be incredibly difficult to start to look for loveliness again when you feel so desolate on the inside. You can sometimes get stuck in the idea that, without your person in the world, there is just no loveliness left.
For me, it came slowly. I started to notice the loveliness in other people first. I remembered the loveliness in my husband. But, it was occasionally and fleeting. I was mostly just faking any positivity, Hope or the ability to find any beauty in my world. It had been obliterated and was nothing but ashes.
I needed someone to remind me of the loveliness in the world, the loveliness in myself. The people around me gently reminded me, often, that there was still loveliness to be found. They very often reminded me of the loveliness that was still left in me.
The best way to remind someone of the beauty and loveliness in the world is to be beautiful and lovely to them. Tell them what is wonderful and lovely about them. Bring them pretty flowers or a lovely piece of art.
Sometimes, when life gets hard, we can get focused on the pain and ugliness and forget to notice that there is still loveliness, too. We can forget to be grateful. We can forget that, despite the difficulties we face, there is always unending loveliness to be found if we are willing to see it.