The Ever Present Absence

The rest of the world moves on. They don’t feel the void that is left. He is gone. For them, it was a moment. For me, it is forever.

There is not a single moment that isn’t impacted by the absence of him. It’s insidious, winding it’s tentacles around every joyful moment. The ache deep in my soul leaves a stain, like ink, on every new memory. There is a film, like soot, all over every corner of life. It doesn’t wash off.

Sometimes no one notices. They don’t notice the love I lost. They don’t notice the future I will never have. They don’t feel it when he doesn’t come home every night. They don’t feel it when something happens and I want to talk to him about it but I can’t. They can’t feel the emptiness of needing to hug him and only having a headstone.

His absence is so loud at every holiday. Every new memory takes me further from him, making his absence deafening. No one else notices. Even when I’m happy, I feel it. Even when I am content and around people I love, I miss him.

It’s pervasive. It’s painful. It’s empty. There is a piece of me that will always be missing. He will always be missing. There will never be anything to fill that space. I will never replace him. I will never move on. His absence will be my forever companion. The ache will never end.

1 Comment

  1. I hope you’re doing well. I can’t imagine how difficult this time of year is and will be. Reach out if you ever want to talk. I can only email or use WhatsApp. Best wishes

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Like

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