Musings 8/16/2019

Life is strange.

You meet people and you never expect that they will become as important to you as they do. Suddenly, you find yourself unable to imagine what life would be like without them. You take for granted that they will always be there. You build all your tomorrows on that idea.

Then, sometimes, they die. In a moment, nothing is the same as it was. Your heart is shattered, along with all the tomorrows you thought you would have. All the words you never got to say, a the things you never got to do are like glowing hot blades ripping through your soul.

You think of every mean or inconsiderate thing you ever said or did. You think of all the things you wished you could have said, if you had only known. You beat your already bleeding and broken heart with the “what if’s”, the “if only’s” and the “I wish I had’s”.

You think of the last moment you saw the person you loved so much. You wish you could go back and hold them tighter, longer. You wish you could tell them just how very much you love them. You want to tell them how much they meant, how they made you a better person, how life was more beautiful because they were here. You agonize over the realization that you will never have another chance. You desperately hope that, in their last moments, they knew.

The missing them doesn’t stop. You have to keep living and rebuild your life but there is part of you that can’t imagine how to do it without them. The guilt and sadness and pain don’t stop. You are forever haunted by the opportunities you missed to love them harder.

If you have never experienced this, I’m writing this for you. I’m writing this as a cautionary tale…

Don’t take the people you love and who love you for granted. Being right is not as important as you think. Speak the words that tell them how much they mean to you. Laugh as often as possible. Forgive quickly. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Say “I love you” every chance you get. Be vulnerable and tell people what they mean.

Enjoy the small things. Appreciate them. Take pictures. Lots of pictures. Making memories is worth more than making money. Take the trip. Kiss a little longer. Spend a day in bed just being with each other sometimes. Make love. Make time.

Have the food fights. Make the inside jokes. Tell them they are beautiful and amazing. Point out why you’re proud of them. Don’t argue over things as small as chores or who left the toilet seat up or who forgot to take out the trash. Forgive often. People aren’t perfect. Understand that everyone has a different perspective and you can’t love them right if you don’t listen to understand theirs.

Be present. Make time now. Love hard. Laugh hard. Make the memories. Don’t wait. Don’t assume there will be another chance. Don’t risk losing someone who matters because of your pride. Love is precious. Life is precious. People are precious. Don’t forget that. They are more precious than anything.

Don’t end up with regrets. Tell her she’s beautiful and makes your mind calm. Tell him he’s amazing and makes you feel safe. Kiss often. Hug hard. Make love. Really see each other. Memories are the most precious things when you don’t have a chance to make any more.

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