“The things you don’t know pile up”…

He doesn’t know how I’m surviving all of this.

How I get through my days.

How I reach, every day, for the foundation stones for a new life.

How I write every day to work through my feelings.

How I search for meaning and purpose by reaching out to support our military families.

How I deal with deep anger and breathtaking sadness every day

He doesn’t know how the changing seasons break my heart because he isn’t here.

He doesn’t know how much I have to work to keep my head above water

How brave I have become

How much I have changed.

He doesn’t know my new friends and how many of my old ones walked away

He doesn’t know how I now struggle with severe flashbacks and panic

How much guilt I feel because I couldn’t save him.

How the love he left behind saved my life

How I will never, ever be over this.

How much he broke my heart

He doesn’t know anything about my new life. He doesn’t know me anymore. If he magically came back to life tomorrow, he wouldn’t know this new me. He doesn’t know…

Me anymore.