“I didn’t know I needed to write.”
I had tried to write before joining this course. My friend even bought me a journal and a pen for my birthday a few months ago. I couldn’t even put one word on the page. Finding a place to begin to express what I was feeling was completely overwhelming.
The prompts here are incredibly helpful to get me to look at my grief in a way I wasn’t able to on my own. It has been extremely difficult at times. It has also been helpful in peeling back layers that I was in denial about. I have felt things I didn’t know I was feeling and uncovered truths about myself. I feel like it has been incredibly helpful but also quite difficult.
I didn’t know I had these things in me to process. The writing has helped me but I have also regressed in my emotional progress a few times during the process. I was forced, by the prompts, to admit things to myself I was subconsciously trying not to. There were moments that I was literally stunned at what was coming out as I was writing.
When I write in response to these prompts, I don’t edit myself. I just write “stream of consciousness” style. I don’t plan what I will write. I just let whatever needs to come out flow onto the page. I can’t think too much about it or I can’t write.
Much of my writing has been better than I expected. I’m finding I’m able to express myself much better in writing than when I speak. I am giving a speech in a week at a rally to end veteran suicide. I have been terrified to do it. This writing has helped me feel confident that I will be able to write a heartfelt and articulate speech.
I find myself looking forward to the prompts each day. I am nervous as I open them because I don’t know what they will pull out of me but I feel like I’m healing so much from it. I’m also finding myself wishing that it would go on for more than a month.
I am thankful I found this course. I’m thankful for the process even though it’s been extremely difficult some days. I am trying to think of ways to be able to continue to write this way even when the course is over. I feel like it has set me on a course to healing in a new way that works well for me.