“How do you, ‘be to my sad self hereafter kind’?”
Kindness to myself after devastating loss and searing grief is:
-allowing myself to cry when I need to. Before this, I didn’t let myself cry. Now, I cry all the time. I don’t just cry from sadness. I cry when I’m sad, happy, angry, afraid…
-allowing myself to feel whatever I feel without judgement. I seem to feel everything much deeper and profoundly than I did before becoming a widow. The positive and negative are all so much stronger for me.
-allowing myself to rest. I don’t feel like I always have to be busy. In fact, I can’t. I need to rest more than I used to. I don’t stress about my house being a little messy or what people will think if I spend a day doing nothing. My life depends on taking time to rest.
-holding boundaries. I have suddenly become able to say “no” when I need to. I also don’t feel I have to explain myself because people don’t understand most of the time anyway. I do whats best for me because I have to. My grasp on life is tenuous. I absolutely must do what is best for me.
-learning to use kind words when speaking to myself. There’s no sense in beating myself up. Most of the people I thought loved me and were going to be here with me disappeared. I spend most of my time alone. I need to be my own best friend.
-being my own cheerleader. I’ve learned to be very proud of myself for small victories and big ones. I’m working on pushing myself to be the best I can be. I acknowledge my successes and make it a point to celebrate them, even if it’s just for a moment.
-I cook myself healthy food. I used to love to cook for Bob. Acts of service is my love language. So, I’m beginning to cook for myself. It’s an act of love and I am learning to love myself more.
-loving myself like Bob loved me. He was so supportive and gentle and encouraging and generous. He believed in me and pushed me to do things I didn’t think I could do. He made sure I was safe and had what I wanted. One of his last notes to me said, “love yourself like I ♥️ you”. So, that’s what I’m trying to do.